Celebrating another 365 days around the sun. 

Why is it that Birthdays cause us to pause and reflect on our lives? It’s as if suddenly we have to figure everything out that we hadn’t done before… each year as we get older, we need to know why things didn’t work they way we were told they would… way back when… blah blah blah. The amount of expectations and pressures that were piled on as we got older, mainly from ourselves as we looked around and thought… that person has it better, easier, cushier, you name it they get it… and we somehow feel less?

I always thought I’d do the traditional get married, have children and buy a house route, but instead I was never able to get into figuring out how to have relationships that lasted. I had 15 years of miserable back problems, 7 years of chronic Lyme Disease and by the time I figured out I wanted children, it turned out I couldn’t have them. So how does one alter their perspective of what they always thought was their goal and then turn around and being OK with where you are now?

I think one of the main things is to learn to be OK with who you are now. Don’t beat yourself up and keep finding something good in each day. Today I decided to look back on past Notes From the Train reflections I had written in my journal before Dad died and I decided to share them here as a kind of look back in review.

 December 2011: At this time of year I look for quiet reflection, but today as I passed Walden pond, I found none. Instead a cacophony of celebration erupted as the trees, waving me along the train route, sang to me like a traveling band... "We are so happy you're here, so glad you were born... Happy Birthday my friend!" and so on. And if there was any doubt that this is where I belonged, where my home should be, in that moment all doubts fled.
December 2010: "Imagine all the people... living life in peace. 
You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one..." John Lennon 

Happy Birthday… you made it to anther year.

 Turning turning
the Earth keeps spinning
another year has gone.

We look into the everything we are
and some are amazed they landed here
in the land of today.

Through the haze of age there is something
that always survives…
the will to keep on turning, to keep on
keeping on

and so it goes
and so it goes

I for one, am grateful
that I am here and now
celebrating another turn around the sun.